(I’m Going Home, I’m Going Home) Wondering Why/How Traveler’s get awesome realizations

This morning, I opened my Facebook account to find out that I was tagged in a post. And this is just one of the types that would halt me from whatever that I was doing and since I share the same sentiment with the author of this composition, I just feel it would be a waste not to share it on my blog. So going home it is… Going home… Going home…

“Sunday, what a beautiful day. I woke up refreshed after knowing that I would finally get home and see my wife and daughter. I skimmed the book that I was reading hoping to get a few inspiration. It was not a religious book nor a Bible. It’s a book with several essays on it – on travel to Calcutta, London, New York, and some occasional literary reviews on books and authors. I read through some pages, put it down and pondered. The author’s words, exquisite!”

“I sometimes wonder why people who travel a lot developed a sense of maturity with how they view things. They developed a certain insight so deep it would pique your interest and make you ruminate, ‘How did he ever arrive to that awesome realization? ‘ If travelling opens our eyes to possibilities, to see the tiny details of the universe and the magnificent loom of God, then perhaps, I should start packing my bag and head to a wonderful journey. Travelers have gone through places, experienced cultures, met with different kinds of people. They tasted several flavors and basked at different types of weather. But on top of all of these, they suffered devastation, of rejection and failure, of loneliness and boredom, feasted on joy and sexual freedom, possessed by wisdom and knowledge until they settled down and found their way home. Only then, they started writing. Only at home. Not in other places. Home.”

“Thus, I am packing my bag once more, full of memories and experiences, of mistakes and heartaches, of myriad colors, of various notes, and unto the new chapter of the book I am making and towards a new insights about life. I have not gone to places, but I have gone through life.”

“And this time, I’m going home.”

Leomel Pasquin

Ode to Farmers, by Leomel Pasquin

Nothing is more relaxing than to sit beneath the shadow a huge tree and enjoying the scenery of a vast rice field before sunset. Men started to emerge from paddies which they tended to the whole day. Along their paths were verdant grasses that shyly sprouted in greetings for the dawn of the rainy season. More than the beauty itself, I started to recall the themes which fascinated Amorsolo most and became subject of his quest for realism. I’m glad that he was solely engrossed with the gaiety of farming and the people involved in it rather than the injustices that these people suffered which did not merely bruised them economically by being perpetually tied to the land but also morally by regarding them lesser than the bourgeois. Whatever his purpose is, the same thing remains abound: that whenever there is a titled land, such can never be free from atrocity or hostility or depicts myriad for of injustices. Land and blood remains as formidable requisites to a legal title.

Having no land to till on my own, I imagine myself transported back to the 60s where an acre of it would cost you about three thousand pesos or less depending on the agreed price between the seller and the buyer. If there is only a way I could go back, I should have been doing the same thing as of those men who walked in pack on their way home. The only difference is that I’ll be doing the land which I personally own and not of somebody else’s. I might have also listed myself as one of the migrants to the south and exploit the land provided by the government to use and farm.

Back in 1960s, it was in these years that people were inclined to have a job in the city, and farming was considered an inferior endeavor which only suit those who hadn’t gone to school. Those who took their chances in the city were relatively better economically compared to those who till the land —well, except for the hacienderos and illustrados who had vast titles over them but which they possessed solely by virtue of their influence and political clouts. They did not even had a hand on the land itself and their attachments were primarily confined in their thirst for profit. This kind of practice was very common during this time and I could only picture out how my grandmother would refer them as “pinanginbulahan” or fortunate. Most of these people were educated in law or engaged in other businesses and see themselves as elite, or someone we used to call “sosyal” before the very term assumes several meaning in subsequent years. And because they know better than anybody else, applied titles to the land they did not even have any roots or history. That’s how things work back then. You get to have a piece of it if you have the edge in knowledge and you have money to exploit in exchange of for intermittent emancipation from poverty of the people.

It was also during these years that my mother was born. Expectedly, she is one who thinks education is the only way out of poverty, thus compelling us to take a long way to school everyday. I am grateful for her nonetheless because I get to explore our little library in our meager elementary school. I came to know things like dinosaurs and why people need to wear undergarments. It was her that showed us the possibility of possessing knowledge and how to use them to advance one’s self above others. While I believed it for the long time, a part of me still desires that success does not only mean getting a good-paying job but also helping other understands the value of uplifting those who are around you. Because most of the time, success is not about an individual quest but of collective teamwork, of getting things done hand-in-hand.

And yet, I am still thankful of education because it is through it that I discovered farming as a noble profession. In fact, it is the noblest profession one could ever think of. In Japan for instance, farmers are regarded with high respect and the government give subsidies to them. They are not only seen as the foundation of a good country but a conduit of the spirit of the earth and of human race. Unlike in our country where a farmer is used as a premise or a benchmark to compare economic status. An ordinary child would often look down on a person with a shabby clothes and stains of mud in his body than a person who wears a plain white clothes and a pricey sneakers on his feet. Or between a doctor and a farmer, people give much regard to the former. That is just how it is, and culturally we are made to look it that way.

But things are changing. With the dawn of social media, people like me and many more came out to share information of the benefit of farming and the importance of farmers. This could not been more true than this moment when we all face the biggest challenge that shakes the foundation of the world – socially, economically, politically, morally and spiritually. This is the time that we need the farmers better and that we need to give them the respect they ought to have long ago. Because no one more deserving of our respect than the one who silently feed us everyday. It’s not the landowners, it’s the farmers. And it is the only way we give them justice for all the tears and blood they shed in tilling the lands just to keep our dreams come true.

Today, I remember my grandmother who used to bring me to the garden where the chili were red and the coffee blossoms smell good; I remember her in the scorching of heat of the sun smiling down on me and telling me, “You have to plant to eat, and you have to eat in order to go to school. And no matter where success may take you, you will always go back to the land you till and that is how you pay respect to those who came before you.” My grandmother was never educated but she has the wisdom rooted in experience, and an essential lesson taught by the very soil she cultivated.

SNAPPING OUT FROM UNCALCULATED ACTIONS

We make mistakes and most of these are rarely deliberate or planned.

Just a few maybe okay but always sulking or suffering from these over and over may not be the most recommended scenario if we were to live just a modest life.

They say the greatest glory is not in ever falling but rising every time we fall. But what can we do with rising if we were already broken to begin with? The damage is done. Money is lost. Relationships turned sour. Can one stand again, do things just like the way they were, bring back lost relationships and spilled milk?

Well, if we’ve already made lots of mistake then we can only do so much to cope or heal from whatever unpleasant things brought about by these.

Yes! We can always devise ways to not make lots of mistakes. And this may lessen injuries, physically and emotionally.

Admit it or not, in one way or another, we all are our creators of our own situation. That is, most of the time.

Correct me if I’m wrong.

Realizing Life Goals

I decided to take a detour instead of going straight to my destiny. If destiny is what it is called, the thing I wish to reach.

Here I am without that much but I know this much is enough.

Even a little could be many, if magnified by how we see it.

I’m coming here to know more, to realize my life goals.

So I will be saying good night. Indeed a good night tonight.

5/12/2020

And yes! After my post yesterday, Remembering Promises, I became quiet enthusiastic in doing my ‘work’ as a teacher. Actually, a facilitator. All the eagerness come from the students, and help will arrive to them if they seek it. So today, I answered queries and questions. Quiet fulfilling, if you ask me.

Remembering Promises

Please allow me to write this post. Ignore the redundancies as I will be saying quite a lot of similar words or phrases over and over.

Few years back (2013) I remember how I asked rather desperately for a teaching job. Back then, I recall how I promised lots of things the moment I landed a job at a university. I begged Him to give me that position and I will do everything in order to secure it and keep it.

I knew how it felt to be cast away from something you always wanted. I was not given a second chance for the job I had back then. I know that was the reality of it all and I shouldn’t take anything personally. I know that full well. I believe I was so young and innocent back then about almost everything that I almost didn’t know anything about what I was doing. And so I really did promise myself that once I secured the position I was applying for back in 2013, I will do my job very very well. With passion, with all that I have, my expertise, any good quality I possess that I could capitalize on…

And for God’s grace, I got the position! I became the happiest ‘child’ on earth. I immediately went shopping for formal clothes, studied really diligently the history of the school, I consulted dictionaries, googled things I wished to understand more, and so on. I went to the final interview and I felt very good with all the compliments I got from Ma’am Nene. The school became my ‘therapy’ and I genuinely felt very happy everytime I entered the university.

Then again, major events continue to change our lives.

Year 2016 came second baby boy.

Fast forward to 2019 came baby girl.

In a matter of few years I became a mother of three.

Then life hits hard at times that I just wish to run away from everything, from work, from adulthood, from financial obligations, save being a full time mom for my baby (and her older siblings). I know, I know, I know. I know that these are all part of life but still, I feel very emotional at times. I would shout at home, throw tantrums, become really violent, and so much more to mention.

I went through a rough cycle of this and that. Only I knew what I was feeling.

But God is so gracious that I was continually pulled back from oblivion to the path of life.

Everytime I forgot, He makes me remember.

Everytime my feet diverge away from the right way, He modifies my formula.

And everytime I wish to run away from everything, He knows just what to do.

Now, I am regenerating, if not renewing, my enthusiasm that I had from the years back and I think it is high time I really lift all my worries to Him.

He alone can solve all our troubles.

He alone can make our problems go away.

I will remember all the promises I’ve sworn to myself during those times I was asking for ‘that’ position in the university I am working now. I really really need to feel that ‘something’ which I’ve always felt during my earlier years in the school.

Let me remind myself that I love my job ( I really do) and nothing could stop me from doing so. Not the demons of these times. Not my hubby, not my children, not my indulgence on the easier things, not my self-proclaimed what-you-may-call-it, etc.

I will revisit the child in me and bask in the pureness of her motives during the times she was just that and just dreaming.

I will renew what needs to be, regenerate what may have been lost, and remember all the promises I’ve said to myself to keep.

DEAR GOD,

I have never asked for these kids but you have given them anyway.

Things just happened the way they did and so here I am, sometimes lost, sometimes bewildered…

It feels like everything that I do is never enough for them and even I admit that I have never been anything good with regards to rearing these youngs.

And so I ask these things so I may be able to at least do something right in being a mother of these children. Help me, God.

  • Keep them away from my anger, so they may be able to take refuge somewhere else safe;
  • Don’t allow them to be impoverished by laziness, over indulgence, pride, overspending, and the like;
  • Refine them from being boisterous, loud, and proud;
  • Guide them daily, so they may be able to discern wise from unwise;
  • Let them befriend wisdom;
  • Help them learn cleanliness and orderliness;
  • Make them appreciate all the simple things in life, that they may take a break from gadgets, televisions, and many more; and
  • Last but the greatest, take care of them and make your word and glory known to them, but never testing them, only delivering them from evil as was said in the formula prayer that you taught your disciples, Lord.

These I ask of you, my Dear God, my saviour, my provider, my everything.

Amen.

P.S.: Have I ever thanked You, Lord, for giving them to me? Thank you for these little ones. Them three (DEXTER, DAVIES, DENISSE). Sweet little creatures who came from my womb (2011, 2016, 2019).

Truth: Unmetered

Don’t let it out just yet.

Don’t let it out hastily.

Lay the groundwork, gather the nest.

In preparing your haven is safe.

And don’t be deceived. It will not always mean peace. People are evil, they are jealous. They are violent, loud and unbelieving.

As it may come out like a storm, you have to fortify your surroundings before deciding for some blow.

Choose your method, don’t be some fool. Don’t make a fun out of yourself.

Be tactful and wise.

Don’t hurt yourself. Pray before anything else.

In praying, all the best will come to you.

But in the end, truth will set you free.

Zerlin’s Post Quarantine Resolutions

Zerlin has many selves. In this post will be the Zerlin’s teacher self. So below are her resolutions after this quarantine.

Zerlin’s Post-Quarantine Resolutions:

  • Give students the Zerlin’s ebook for the subject. Purpose: to have some sort of module just in case things like this happen again.
  • Plan lessons not for the sake of compliance but for the sake of “because it is what needs to be done.”
  • Discuss with, teach, talk to, not nag at, smile at, appreciate, motivate, listen to students whenever chance permits.
  • Dress.
  • Kilay.
  • Bring back passion in teaching.

We only live once. As this pandemic is making us realize. I do what I want to do. I’ll post what I need to post. If ever He calls me, at least I’ve said a little of what I hope for after all of these.

P.S. :

I live to see
Miracles everyday
I live today
Like I did yesterday

Yet my faith is shaky
And my heart feels empty
Now my eyes are puffy
When will I trust in Thee?