Dr. Kate Ledesma on Youtube

Just can’t help sharing to you one of the people I got inspiration from in order to blog.

You just have to click the link below to find out what she’s up to!

Making Time, Taking Time, Owning Time

I’ve been wanting to devote a whole day for reading and writing and now that I’m finally having the chance, I’m making time for it.

I’m taking my time and owning it.

When you’ve been nagged at for so long, you would know this is a freedom of a kind. And you can’t help feeling being freed to do whatever you want for so long as you can.

Things we should suspend for the time being would be overindulging, procrastinating, and putting off momentum for something one could do.

So drafting would be the thing for today. Let’s see if we would be able to publish some already. I may not hit the publish button just yet for a week or so. I’ve told myself there would be no routine in my blogging mantra. I’ll publish if I will, not yet if not yet.

I am thinking of carefully penning down my thoughts for what they really should be, and see how they will go.

We’ll be closing the drain and removing ‘delete-reflex’ for the time being.

So how’s it going with you?

5/24/2020

As I continue with this blogging thing, I have yet to ponder whether being here is the right thing to do or not.

Currently I am a teacher in Math but funny how I spend my time trying to read and read and read about writing and the like. I also keep creating rhymes in my head.

I don’t know anymore if this is just a long detour or just some psychological behavior I am not aware of.

But, hey! Just blogging! Thank you for visiting my site! I’m delighted! Comment, like, share. But please, don’t be too kind. I love argument for the sake of it. Just realized it. After all, I try to live up to this blog’s title.

SNAPPING OUT FROM UNCALCULATED ACTIONS

We make mistakes and most of these are rarely deliberate or planned.

Just a few maybe okay but always sulking or suffering from these over and over may not be the most recommended scenario if we were to live just a modest life.

They say the greatest glory is not in ever falling but rising every time we fall. But what can we do with rising if we were already broken to begin with? The damage is done. Money is lost. Relationships turned sour. Can one stand again, do things just like the way they were, bring back lost relationships and spilled milk?

Well, if we’ve already made lots of mistake then we can only do so much to cope or heal from whatever unpleasant things brought about by these.

Yes! We can always devise ways to not make lots of mistakes. And this may lessen injuries, physically and emotionally.

Admit it or not, in one way or another, we all are our creators of our own situation. That is, most of the time.

Correct me if I’m wrong.

Tidbits on Language

I suppose so.

TóTómel: Tilling the Nascent Philippines

fuzzy_conversation

A sudden silence in the middle of a conversation suddenly brings us back to essentials: it reveals how dearly we must pay for the invention of speech.
Emile M. Cioran

Is it my right brain or the left brain that’s functioning within my skull? I don’t know exactly because I must admit that my mind is not as sharp as others’ for I still have an inadequacy of mastering any language. So much more with my style, simply because I am not adept in constructing right phrases or choosing appropriate words for my sentences; and with all of these errors and poor English usage, I usually get a bad remark from my girlfriend. Naks!

In the current situation, it is a formidable fact that one is adjudged by the predilection of correct sentence constructions. With vicissitudes and inconsistencies, one may flunk from the standard of languages and be scorned publicly…

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Be a Bridge

So you’ve finally arrived. And you thought, Ahhh… Was that it? Is that all there is to it? Is it really that simple?

Then you lift your head, while your eyes wander back to the place where you came from then you see someone trying to figure out as well their way to the destination.

Now you remember all the hardships you went through. The questions you asked. The things you wished you knew. The gratitude you felt when someone helped you. What you promised to yourself when time comes.

It’s easy to talk now that you’ve achieved what you’ve been dreaming all along.

But you have to decide: Go immediately to the next? Or become some bridge first that helps?

And So we Continue

Moving on, we have to slow down a bit and think about the reasons why we write. Would it just be to express? To walk someone thru something? To inform? To rant? To flex people, books, pictures, words? Is it out of hobby or to earn?

I tend to forget the reasons for my directions and I’m just so indulgent at the very moment to try to be consistent with what I say now and before. I was scared for a bit that moment I divulged on Facebook that I’ve been stealing chances to post on a blog site.

One reason might be because I’m not really the type to go public with my thoughts and deepest aspirations. More so publishing things on the internet. As one might have depicted from my previous posts, I’m not the pro in this field and I am simply taking a long detour from whatever destiny that awaits me. Not that I’m defensive but really, I was not schooled formally for these kind of things save the few lectures I attended back in my high school days when we outsmarted our teachers into being selected for competitions on journalism. Back then, I was honestly not into this type, writing.

But there is just this magic that is created by the prospect of blogging that now that I’m on a go for it that I should grab any momentum that will propel me to discover whatever reason I can have for doing this.

And so this continues.

Be Wary

We read for the purpose of gaining inspiration and lessons. But the act does take something away from us as well when we become so absorbed by what we read. So be careful.

Use an umbrella when it is raining, or put on coat for that matter. Shield your hands if you are to hold a hot pot. Use some cushion if needs be. And when reading or browsing from the internet, always be with your wits and confidence and don’t be shaken. Unless you are to fall for the better side.

Be wary in letting yourself be swayed by anything. It does not do you any good to be swindled out of your last ounces of inspiration. Don’t let it get to you.

Always believe in yourself, on what you can do, and what you can offer. Don’t let others tell you otherwise.

SLOWING DOWN TO REFINE PURPOSE FOR POSTING ONLINE

As I go on with my blogging activities (reading, writing, networking), I realized that there is more to it than just earning or exploring the platform.

It’s a great avenue to think about thinking and to realize the things that one is most inclined to write about. To tell you, I jumped right out of desperation to launch this site, somewhat blinded by the prospect of earning a little. But slowing down, I come to recognize the importance of having a purpose in doing something.

People read no matter how they seem not to, so there’s just no way for the ‘don’t care’ attitude as it would be like undermining many things all at the same time.

Anyone who posts online do so for one reason or another.

It has come to light that I wanted to write all along but this passion has been million times overshadowed by my very own self branding. I failed to see before that beside one’s main meal could be side dishes. And thinking further, the side dish could actually be the only dish that one can eat and he/she still could be healthy. But I won’t ever give up on my main as a form of respect to what I’ve been given. And to never waste whatever is already on the table.

I believe that I’ve felt so alone over a long time. Not that no one bought my stories but there’s just a difference when one can lay down first all her stories, her colors, her side of the truth, and everything before someone else approaches for thoughts or any other comments. So with this platform, one can be liberated from many many things.

To live up to this blog’s title, I can only write so much about life and goals and realizations but from time to time I will insert videos and random thoughts or stories.

One form or another, the purpose is to share or give a little of oneself. I still can’t give up on the ‘I syndrome’ as I think this is what I will be having on my blog for the first few months but I believe that I will be transitioning to a more pleasant writing experience (and so for my readers).

Please allow me to take this chance to express my heartfelt gratitude to a certain someone who did not hesitate to encourage me despite my doubts and cynicism. The short story for how I came to know this someone (such an honor) is that, my cousin, (pretty, beautiful cousin, ehem!) who was to take her pre law exam at that time, came to our house to seek my expertise in my field. And while we were catching up, she related how this Sir could write very well and good that I could not help but ask for his Facebook account as I was very curious and eager to know more about him. So there, we sent a friend request to him. As inquisitive and vocal as I am, I did not have a second thought into approaching him (messaging him) and our conversation just somewhat developed naturally. We maintained constant messaging up to this point that I am now writing (blogging) and since he was experienced in this thing, I received lots of tips on how I should go on with mine. It may just have been his talent (maybe skill) in raising a cult of writers that he was able to let me get my hands typing (I tell you, as cynic and doubtful as I was). And so I wish to thank you, Sir, if ever you are reading this post, and best of luck on your review (for the upcoming BAR exams).

The Portrait of a Writer

Cristian Mihai

Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” — Ambrose Redmon

I began writing in my most vulnerable years. I was dumb and arrogant, as most teenagers seem to be, and I did my best to pour greatness into every sentence I wrote.

But I was also lying to myself, writing about what I didn’t know, pretending to know, and I got caught and people could see that I wasn’t willing to let them in — I was building this wall to protect my true self from anyone who would be searching for it behind my words. There was nothing that belonged to me in the stories I wrote.

There’s this poem by a Romanian poet, Mihai Eminescu. It’s called To My Critics, and the last verses go like this:

It is easy to write…

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5/18/2020

Because I’m assuming my role as a mother! Tentententen, nanananananana… Mmm mmm mmm mmm…

Denisse’s teeth may be cutting through and she’s a little bit sick if not much.

Hopefully we’ll get some hours of sleep tonight.

Just blogging!

Monday is already acting up. And Tuesday? Kindly be good to us.

That One Prayer

That one prayer, I knew, changed things for the better.

It may have been a well-wish for a person, a whisper of hope, or a random good thought for another.

If each one does this, then imagine the whole world rejoicing! We could have prayed better than for this ‘thing’ to occur.

Collectively, our hearts’ desires determine what will be.

We will not be sad, but perhaps do better, wish better, hope better, bearing in mind that that one prayer will change things for the better…

Closing this Sunday with a prayerful heart.

I wish you well.

With love and compassion,

Zerlin (your struggling hermit)

Realizing Life Goals

I decided to take a detour instead of going straight to my destiny. If destiny is what it is called, the thing I wish to reach.

Here I am without that much but I know this much is enough.

Even a little could be many, if magnified by how we see it.

I’m coming here to know more, to realize my life goals.

So I will be saying good night. Indeed a good night tonight.

In Short, Money Motivates

I will go straight to the point and tell you this.

I am continually blogging nowadays for the sake of having more revenue. I blogged before but was too timid to go out into the open and the drive was just too weak. But then I went broke, almost bankrupt, so I’ve decided to look for ways to at least ‘add’ money to my pocket. Or perhaps, have more for my bills and all.

I badly needed extra income that I didn’t care anymore about what others would say. In the first place, were they there when I needed help the most? Were they able to help me during those very very difficult times? No, not really. Their sympathy was just not enough to get me through during those times and so I eventually conceded to being more practical rather than the idealist that I was back then.

I learned that money motivates me more than anything else.

I know it was just out of desperation to say that and there is a deeper philosophy to what I wish to point out here but it’s just beyond me to elaborate or support.

There’s so much more to explore in this newfound hustle and I’m not taking any dollar for granted. One dollar, two dollars, three… four… However big or small I will get my hands typing.

5/12/2020

And yes! After my post yesterday, Remembering Promises, I became quiet enthusiastic in doing my ‘work’ as a teacher. Actually, a facilitator. All the eagerness come from the students, and help will arrive to them if they seek it. So today, I answered queries and questions. Quiet fulfilling, if you ask me.

Remembering Promises

Please allow me to write this post. Ignore the redundancies as I will be saying quite a lot of similar words or phrases over and over.

Few years back (2013) I remember how I asked rather desperately for a teaching job. Back then, I recall how I promised lots of things the moment I landed a job at a university. I begged Him to give me that position and I will do everything in order to secure it and keep it.

I knew how it felt to be cast away from something you always wanted. I was not given a second chance for the job I had back then. I know that was the reality of it all and I shouldn’t take anything personally. I know that full well. I believe I was so young and innocent back then about almost everything that I almost didn’t know anything about what I was doing. And so I really did promise myself that once I secured the position I was applying for back in 2013, I will do my job very very well. With passion, with all that I have, my expertise, any good quality I possess that I could capitalize on…

And for God’s grace, I got the position! I became the happiest ‘child’ on earth. I immediately went shopping for formal clothes, studied really diligently the history of the school, I consulted dictionaries, googled things I wished to understand more, and so on. I went to the final interview and I felt very good with all the compliments I got from Ma’am Nene. The school became my ‘therapy’ and I genuinely felt very happy everytime I entered the university.

Then again, major events continue to change our lives.

Year 2016 came second baby boy.

Fast forward to 2019 came baby girl.

In a matter of few years I became a mother of three.

Then life hits hard at times that I just wish to run away from everything, from work, from adulthood, from financial obligations, save being a full time mom for my baby (and her older siblings). I know, I know, I know. I know that these are all part of life but still, I feel very emotional at times. I would shout at home, throw tantrums, become really violent, and so much more to mention.

I went through a rough cycle of this and that. Only I knew what I was feeling.

But God is so gracious that I was continually pulled back from oblivion to the path of life.

Everytime I forgot, He makes me remember.

Everytime my feet diverge away from the right way, He modifies my formula.

And everytime I wish to run away from everything, He knows just what to do.

Now, I am regenerating, if not renewing, my enthusiasm that I had from the years back and I think it is high time I really lift all my worries to Him.

He alone can solve all our troubles.

He alone can make our problems go away.

I will remember all the promises I’ve sworn to myself during those times I was asking for ‘that’ position in the university I am working now. I really really need to feel that ‘something’ which I’ve always felt during my earlier years in the school.

Let me remind myself that I love my job ( I really do) and nothing could stop me from doing so. Not the demons of these times. Not my hubby, not my children, not my indulgence on the easier things, not my self-proclaimed what-you-may-call-it, etc.

I will revisit the child in me and bask in the pureness of her motives during the times she was just that and just dreaming.

I will renew what needs to be, regenerate what may have been lost, and remember all the promises I’ve said to myself to keep.

DEAR GOD,

I have never asked for these kids but you have given them anyway.

Things just happened the way they did and so here I am, sometimes lost, sometimes bewildered…

It feels like everything that I do is never enough for them and even I admit that I have never been anything good with regards to rearing these youngs.

And so I ask these things so I may be able to at least do something right in being a mother of these children. Help me, God.

  • Keep them away from my anger, so they may be able to take refuge somewhere else safe;
  • Don’t allow them to be impoverished by laziness, over indulgence, pride, overspending, and the like;
  • Refine them from being boisterous, loud, and proud;
  • Guide them daily, so they may be able to discern wise from unwise;
  • Let them befriend wisdom;
  • Help them learn cleanliness and orderliness;
  • Make them appreciate all the simple things in life, that they may take a break from gadgets, televisions, and many more; and
  • Last but the greatest, take care of them and make your word and glory known to them, but never testing them, only delivering them from evil as was said in the formula prayer that you taught your disciples, Lord.

These I ask of you, my Dear God, my saviour, my provider, my everything.

Amen.

P.S.: Have I ever thanked You, Lord, for giving them to me? Thank you for these little ones. Them three (DEXTER, DAVIES, DENISSE). Sweet little creatures who came from my womb (2011, 2016, 2019).

Can someone be less than another?

Can someone be less than another person? Certainly, we have seen this over and over as others have taken pride in having positioned themselves one or more places over others.

And I could not understand how they are able to function still even after putting others below them, even behind them. Are you that happy?

Do you really thieve your way up at the expense of the oppression of others? Oppression, I say, but you do not see this. Why not? But isn’t it? It’s in one form or another and this is just one way to do it.

Can’t we be more modest and kind in projecting our so bright pride so that we may be able to give way for others to shine a little at least?

What will you get anyway from climbing so high that it might either be fearsome to look down once at the top or horrible to fall from a certain height?

But that is on you while I’m just here doing nothing. Just sitting… Writing, only to mess up at the middle or at the end. But that is on me.

WHATEVER!!! Go and renew your credence.

It Could Be Worse but I Wish It Was Better

My definition of happiness? Just a good book, a strong coffee, and lots of gadgets beside me. I will read, sip my coffee, search for terms I’m not familiar with, search some more for book reviews, check my email, my messenger, punch some keys.

I am not complaining that I don’t get to realize what I am saying above and I know it could be worse but I really wish it was better. And no, I am not trying to sulk. I am actually trying to figure out a way to come to terms with my situation. But then again, as indulgent as I am, I am too lazy to plan my day so let’s just say, I was just wishing. Hehehehe.

Good night from the Philippines to your country. I really hope to visit USA someday! (If the world permits! If my right and left brain exchanges hemispheres!)

Tired but Inspired

Yes, tired. Very very. But this voice nagged me into, “Write something! Just something!” And so I’m gonna type but we’ll keep it short. Yes?

So are we just gonna scold someone today?

Whichever part on my head said to stop all these, woe to you as you are always the sulky one. Don’t you believe there’s a better way to help other than putting off all the fires that burn within? Didn’t you know it took us so long to gather the courage to come here? If in case you forgot, we almost went crazy for having no one to talk to. Not because no one believed us but we just didn’t want to do it “that” way. So kindly keep still while we configure the many things that we needed to do. Okay?

There you go, little voice. I’ve said something already so can we now rest?

“Aha!”

Freedom. Finishing. Friday: Blogging Challenge from M – F (MTWThF)

Hooops…! Is it Friday? Not yet! So can’t I post this? Hmmmm… Is there a reason not to?

Now I realized how much freedom I should have had inside the classroom as compared to the online platforms that we use just to get by for our home based learning. The interaction is very limited. Or wait… I guess excuses at this point can always be made but at the same time can be exchanged for better alternatives.

It goes to say that freedom can either be seen or covered depending on the person. So if you think you don’t have the means, think again… It’s either you are blinded by your excuses or your eyes are clouded with all your worries and negativities. Me, not excluded! Maybe you just have to keep looking. We all should! Agree? Or agree? The choice is yours!

P.S. 1: Now I’m done with this challenge (whatever!) I don’t think I will do this ever again. I know myself better to be doing something like this. I’ll just post whenever I feel like posting. So no pressure. Okay, self? (Tone inspired by Sir Leomel Pasquin. Whatever you did to this mind, Sir. K, bye!) Hahahahahaha!

P.S. 2: I am not pleased with my choice of words and the grammar in this post but whatever. Let me not mind for this time. So should you. Hehehehehehe! Can I make an excuse? Can a Mathster be excused please? We always write Mathematical equations so sometimes our writing skills aren’t very good enough. But I am improving. Yeah! (Pats self. Hehehehehe.) I am not being defensive. I am just defending myself. Oooops? Are they not similar? Hmmm. BASTAH!

Thoughts, Thoughts, Thoughts. Thursday Thoughts: Blogging Challenge from M – F (MTWThF)

THis feels like so obligatory that I am losing the appetite to write this post but I have to since I challenged myself last Monday and I have to continue until tomorrow.

My writing as of this moment feels like being up with eyes closed. And yeah, I have to keep going. What else?

A while ago, I browsed through Cristian Mihai‘s and his post about civilization (read about it here) then through beetleypete‘s. I am not sure why but every time I read other people’s blogs I begin wondering how similar our thoughts are and that wow, they just put them to words like effortlessly while I’m here struggling to describe mine. But that’s okay I could manage just the same. I am not belittling my writing, I am just recognizing the talents and skills of others. And yes, they are good!

You know what? It really is not solely dependent on our intelligence or whatever. It will all boil down to whether we will do it or not. So here I am, inspired by whatever there is to be inspired about. So I’m not gonna drag this post any longer. Hehehehe. Just blogging!!!

West, Wish, Wait. Wednesday W’s: Blogging Challenge from M – F (MTWThF)

Who said I forgot? No, not yet! I still wish that someday I will be able to visit the west. I always imagined the glamour of the place and I might just go there.

I am glad that once in a while, I am reminded of my childhood wishes and fantasies. Which also meant I have not given up yet on doing something more with my life. So my ‘huts and shadows’ will have to be suspended for the meantime, whatever I meant with this. Hehehe!

What had popped to my mind as I read cowboy pocketbooks back then when I tried so hard to read and digest my father’s Louis L’Amour’s, what I felt, what I imagined… I wanted to realize those, compare reality versus fantasies, and so on.

We’ll see about all these. Who knows?

Today: Blogging Challenge from M – F (MTWThF)

Today (this very day), is one of the rare occasions where I allowed myself to be in the care of others as I usually just stay in front of my laptop writing or reading whatever I can.

After I went to the market to buy some groceries and fish, I came back and we exchanged stories (or maybe gossiped a little?) with Aunt Mary. (Sorry I was not able to take her picture. Just was not able to. What was I thinking?)

In this photo, I just breastfed my Denisse and she fell asleep. We’re at the balcony of (insert) Aunt Mary.

I have yet to listen to some teachings from an elder and that I am continually grateful for having some, if not many, of them who occasionally come to my aid whenever I needed help (emotional) the most.

Maundy, Not: Blogging Challenge from M – F (MTWThF)

I don’t usually command… (oh, wrong… mistake!)… Yes, I do! I give orders especially to my eldest child and I’m guilty for not being able to redo my routine and stop this bothersome habit of mine.

It maybe hard but I challenge myself to focus on action worthy for my son to emulate rather than give orders which may become his bane later on!

Recycling Empty Promises

“I will send it tomorrow.”

“I will finish it the soonest possible time then give it to the group.”

“Okay, just give me more time to do it.”

“Yes, tomorrow or on Saturday so I will have enough time to complete it.”

“By the way, can you reserve it for me? So that when I have the chance to go out, I will take it.”

So many promises and commitments. One after another until it becomes a mountain of chores.

I don’t like to flush anything away but I wish to break away from mediocrity and unfulfilled promises. So many empty containers to fill in and honestly I don’t have all the time in the world. Not this time, not ever that I’ve got to set my priorities in life so as to give attention to who or what really matters.

I know I’m deviating away from something which is supposed to be my topic but I just can’t help being lost in the mess I continually create leaving no space for completed tasks. If you were like me then you would know how this feels.

And I couldn’t agree more with this post I just read this morning. It hit me and yeah, I’ve gotta do it just like how it was said there. Enough said, I’m gonna screw this post and lead you to this post. Read until you finish.

By Cristian Mihai