Amidst this pandemic they cry, “Let us out! Let us out!”

Amidst this pandemic they cry, “Let us out! Let us out!” They are pleading. And I could not contain them anymore. It seems out of place to be writing these but maybe not. My thoughts keep screaming like they would explode if not put into paper. One by one, let us try:

  • I was wondering, what if the most dreadful thing happens to me? Then I will have failed to have “My Kind of Math” completed. I’ve always been crafting something about this something which I have not yet started with something either way. So I will have to find a way in order to realize my life project. Though frustrated every time… My children whining for my attention. Students works which need marking and reading. Household chores that keeps bothering me. I have to plan it out the soonest!  
  • Writing is my thing! I just know it is! I know I’m not good enough, not yet. I still struggle for words, I lack the discipline. Still a novice, an amateur. I did not even enroll in a program about writing when I was in college. But I am! I am! I will find my way to show it.
  • Why is it that everytime I try to pen my thoughts, they escape me and I couldn’t seem to have them back. If not they are already jumbled and I could never seem to put them back together. Sitting here right now, I’m earnestly trying to word exactly what I thought I’d wish to write. But try as I may, I still get the words different compared to how I originally phrased them in my mind. But I will have to try and put them back. Like a paper in shreds which needs to be pasted together. I will be able to do it!

And now they’re out and about… “No more screaming,” I say to them. One by one they will come out. And they will have to queue as I need to figure out how to lay them out into the open. Because amidst this pandemic my thoughts cry, and I decided to let them out.

Zerlin’s Post Quarantine Resolutions

Zerlin has many selves. In this post will be the Zerlin’s teacher self. So below are her resolutions after this quarantine.

Zerlin’s Post-Quarantine Resolutions:

  • Give students the Zerlin’s ebook for the subject. Purpose: to have some sort of module just in case things like this happen again.
  • Plan lessons not for the sake of compliance but for the sake of “because it is what needs to be done.”
  • Discuss with, teach, talk to, not nag at, smile at, appreciate, motivate, listen to students whenever chance permits.
  • Dress.
  • Kilay.
  • Bring back passion in teaching.

We only live once. As this pandemic is making us realize. I do what I want to do. I’ll post what I need to post. If ever He calls me, at least I’ve said a little of what I hope for after all of these.

P.S. :

I live to see
Miracles everyday
I live today
Like I did yesterday

Yet my faith is shaky
And my heart feels empty
Now my eyes are puffy
When will I trust in Thee?

DOWN WITH THREE

I’m down with three priorities in life:
• To stay alive out of good diet;
• To be able to save money for the future (or at least be debt free); and
• To give love to my family.

It’s safe for you to assume, I’ve had enough.

Of Filial Piety

I already know something about filial piety. I know as well you already know this. But I have come to understand something more about it.

I recently got into some trouble. A scandal. Financial scandal, if you ask me. During those days I prayed very hard. And very hard that I almost always cried whenever I had the chance to hide from questioning eyes. I prayed again. I asked God for miracles. I know that my faith is very little, but I said to myself, at least I still have that little.

I prayed and prayed. I did nothing in particular. Just this, praying. I held on to the teachings I heard about faith. About God doing impossible things. I held on to that. There’s nothing more to do. I surrendered my soul to Him.

My prayers were answered!

You guess how it happened!

I have come to believe that God’s love is shown to us through our parents. The unconditional love they give to us is God loving us. Who else will go to your rescue if not them? Who else will help us if not God? They are the very symbol of God’s love for us. And so I say this unashamedly and it is now coming from me…

“Let us show love to our parents. Let us give our compassion to them. Let us respect them and listen to their words. A fool is someone who does not obey his/her parents. No parent will wish for his/her child’s ruin.”

Dad, live longer so you may see… Mama as well…

P.S. I love you, Daddy. And Mama…

Søren Kierkegaard

I have not actually read the works of this profound and prolific writer. And I am not here to write a book review either. I just feel inspired by this “buddy.” Something about his biography hooked me up to his being. What I know I did to know him was move my eyes from top to bottom of every page of the book I borrowed from the library. I even forgot how the editor described him. I can only imagine it. My whole being revived just indulging from an old book.

I am not a philosopher either. Not even a writer or a poet or anything near him. I’m just here in awe of his writings and all the things he believes in. And how he withstood all the ridicule thrown at his back and everything he experienced back in his lifetime. He suffered I know. And others would have done better. But who knows who ridiculed who? Even now that he was gone he knew better…

One cannot understand another far too quickly as that would be like marrying someone you just met but I could say I have done so otherwise and if this is a bold statement then I will reserve a piece of my time in the future to come review this when I will say otherwise of what I was standing here for right now.

As I struggled to switch between the book and the dictionary, I knew I read a good stuff in my lifetime.

Why I am writing this and how I got the courage to do so, I do not know. His name just popped out in my head and I was prompted to write something. Just something for him. In return for reviving my dead appetite. May your soul rest in peace, my friend from the other side of the world…

P.S. I came to know the name, Soren Kierkegaard, as I was searching for good books regarding ethics. I wish to give my thanks to Sir Leomel Pasquin for recommending such good reads to me.

And I recite, “The Lord is my shepherd…”

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the LORD Forever.

An Open Letter to My Siblings, and My Family

You know how my situation is right now. And I could only feel that you are burdened as well by my circumstances. I hope that you will be more patient as I keep on asking for your help and support. I’ve been talking to God everyday for the past weeks and everytime, He answers through you. With all these that I am going through, I have come to terms to the things that are “must-be’s” in this life. Of being down to earth, and being Godly, meek and kind, and gentle. And never extravagant with finances and promises. I am not promising anything but someday I know what I will do. I won’t be ashamed to say this, “I love you all. And I hope you will be able to bear with me until I overcome or be able to solve these incongruities in my system.” Hope to see you all the soonest available break.

Conversations Paused, Then Continued: Them “Mark” and “Colline,” From STEM 11 W 2017-2018

I was havin’ a real hard time synthesizing all the things happening to me these days when suddenly these students appear!

They were my students in Basic Calculus back in 2018 and I remember having long, honest, animated conversations, discussion with them. They, and few more from their section, were a set of scholarly and bright and intelligent, also passionate and diligent students. They would always impart their learnings and insights and unbeknownst them had a very great impact on me. They would not even hesitate to give encouragement to my dreams and suggestions to my problems (ako na teacher, ako pa ininspire). Of course, “Math” and “Science” would always be the main inspiration of the long talks. Or maybe, madaldal sila, madaldal dn ako, o palibhasa, ganun lng talaga chemistry ko sa kanila or nila sa kanilang teachers or sa kanilang nakakasalamuha. For that here’s for the two of them: “I could only wish for your continued interest in your passion. May your fire continue to blaze amidst the struggles that life is throwing you. May you be able to overcome all the difficulties of the path that you have chosen so you may find the entrance that you are looking for. Continue dreaming! And never stop believing! Because I know that you have so much more to give out to this human race and to this beautiful world that we live in.” See you when I see you!!!

Of Huts and Shadows

When I was young, I dreamt of fancy things, like a couch, a fancy living room, a glamorous lifestyle, and so on. And I just sigh, I don’t know why. Fast forward to these days, I delight whenever I see posts on FB that include pictures of my hometown. The old huts, the rather small houses, the unkempt children, bring me unsolicited comfort plus the memories of my childhood. Now I dream of going back to those days. No money problems, no fats, no stress. But I wouldn’t dream of fancy things anymore. Just simple living would do.

We have to be broke to blog (or maybe, vlog?)

I am not actually good at writing but it does not necessarily mean that I could not write or should not write or will not write. And literally who doesn’t know how to write, right? One could just hold a pen or ballpen then put it on top of a paper, move the hands, then that’s it! As they say everyone has something to say so here’s my story.

I recently acquired a huge amount of financial debt and as of writing time I am being bombarded by phone calls (some are robocalls) from lending companies. I will not mention how large the amount is. Just know that it is a large sum so in order to extinguish the debt I have to really work hard in obtaining “a lot of money.” Else I might file for bankruptcy. It is worth mentioning how these companies operate. They urge you to “pay your debt so you could reloan for a higher amount.” It goes without saying, higher amount, higher interest. Honestly, they are like asking for a pay raise. Some would threaten to bring an NBI agent to your home. And much as I want to laugh, I am not in any position to do so knowing that I am in a bind. Their words come like, “Madali lang naman gawan yan ng paraan eh, mangutang ka sa mga kakilala mo tapos magrereloan ka din naman pagkatapos mo magbayad.” I can’t burst with rage because I know it’s not the solution to this mess. They may shoot me for ranting here but I think I have paid enough right to bluster. As for how my situation ended up like this would be another story to cover.

I put aside all my “kemeruts” so I took my first bold step and joined a company where I could acquire “a lot of money” that I was aiming at. But as they say again, there is no overnight success and we have to work it out for results to happen. I sold products in an attempt to gain profit. I also unashamedly joined a crowdfunding program to acquire funds for debt payment. But I knew it was a futile attempt. I tried many ways just to cover my dues-borrowing from colleagues, family and friends. I even advanced one and a half month portion of my salary just to pay any amount I could.

Finally, I am here writing. And I never imagined “this” to be one of my topics. I actually launched this site for quite some time already. I just didn’t have enough motivation to start anything. It is only now that I consider continuing writing on this site. I don’t expect to earn here either. It’s just that I think it’s high time for someone like me to be heard as well. “I may not earn but someone else would learn.”

I can’t say enough even though I said that much already.

I have to be broke to blog.

Check back for more articles! Thanks for reading!